Mastering the Art of Idle Chit Chat

I have yet to master the art of chit chat.  You know, the kind of chatter that strangers do when brought together in a common area, like at the grocery store or on a bus.

I notice how easily it comes to some people, especially when we are all crammed together on the trolley on our way to our day jobs.  With just the slightest bit of prompting, people will chatter to strangers about everything under the sun.  Sometimes their chatter will last my entire ride, which is about 40 minutes.

How did all that chatter come so easily for them?  How do they know what to say? Do they practice at home in front of the mirror?  Do they refer to cue cards with banal sayings scrawled across them that they keep in their purses for just such an occasion?

I've been in situations where I've been forced to chat with a stranger.  I never initiate it, but am often called upon to think of a response to a strangers insipid comment about the weather or price of eggs.

Just this morning while riding the trolley, an older man commented on my t-shirt.  It was a t-shirt I bought during a recent trip to Rocky Mountain National Park.  He asked if I'd ever been there.  My first reaction was to be a smart-ass and give some flippant response, but instead I simply said, "Yes."  He then stared at me as if expecting a longer answer, so I lamely added, "It's beautiful there."

He followed up with a story about his parents having a ranch near Estes Park and that he still has a home there, but lives in San Diego part time because of the nice weather.  We were sitting across the aisle from one another so it made chit chatting difficult, but he continued to talk.  I had no idea what to say, so I nodded a few times while he prattled on.  When he paused to take a breath, I said something along the lines of "that's nice" and turned to look out the window.

That was rather rude on my part, but I didn't know what else to say.  It was at that moment I realized partaking in idle chit chat with complete strangers is difficult for me for several reasons.

The first being I am a private person.  I have no desire to share pertinent information about my life with people I have just met and within earshot of people whom I've never met.  Sometimes when I've been forced to chit chat, I will make shit up like a fake name or talk about my kids (I don't have kids), or be a college student, albeit an older college student, majoring in basket weaving.  Basically I lie, but the other person never has a clue.

My husband and I had a fabulous time on our road trip through Rocky Mountain National Park, but there was no reason why I should share details with this strange man.  I didn't need to talk for the sake of talking and most likely he probably wasn't that interested in my vacation.  He just wanted the opportunity to talk about himself and he did just that.

Secondly, I have trust issues.  Sometimes I am even reluctant to share things with those who I am actually friends with and/or related to, so why would I want to put my business on blast in a trolley crowded with strangers?

And lastly, I avoid chit chatting with strangers because I simply do not care about people or what they have to say.  That reveals a lot about my character and attitude and it's not very flattering, but it is the truth.  It's not narcissism.  It's more of a lack of empathy towards and connection with my fellow man and/or woman.

I'm not on the trolley or at the grocery store to mingle and make new friends.  I am there for a specific reason.  I want to get from Point A to Point B with as little disruption as possible and when strangers want to waste my time with idle chit chat, well, I find that a major disruption.  It's hard being me and any kind of interference, regardless of how small or mundane, can turn my day into a major catastrophe.

I also relish silence.  I like to hear the wind, the birds, the music playing in my head.  When someone wants to blab on and on on about their most adorable child who plays soccer, baseball, football, or where they live, or work, or where their most adorable child goes to school, it interferes with what's already going on in my head, which is a lot.  I never stop thinking.

After writing this, I started thinking (go figure!) that isn't my blogging a form of idle chit chat?  I share private information about my life with people that I don't even have the courtesy of sitting across from on the trolley.  It's blind Internet chit chatter.

It seems selfish, but my blogging is entirely one-sided.  I share with my readers, but they don't get to share with me.  Maybe I have mastered the art of idle chit chat after all.  Isn't that what chit chat is all about?  One person talks and the other person listens or in this case, reads?

I suppose in the end it doesn't matter, because either way I will refer to to Why I Don't Chit Chat Reason #3.  I simply don't care what people have to say and I would rather listen to the voices in my head, because frankly, I find them much more interesting than the strange man across from me on the trolley.