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FARMINGTON, UT, United States
I am a traveler, artist, photographer, writer, and nature lover who likes to be alone. Always ready for an adventure, but often scared to step outside my comfort zone. It's time I face my fears. This blog is about all of that and then some. It's Simply My Life put into words and pictures. It's me discovering me. Come along for the ride!

Saturday, February 7, 2015

A Letter to My Cat


Dear Kitten, 

I thought about you today and I cried, and then I smiled, and then I cried again.  Yesterday was the same and tomorrow will be no different.  Perhaps in another week or two, or maybe a month, I can go a day without shedding tears, but right now it feels as if I never will.

You weren't even a year old when you wandered into our yard.  I never knew where you had come from, but assumed you were like the other cats that stopped by for food and water.  I figured after a day or two you'd be gone and another stray would follow in your paw prints looking for a handout. 

You were a little, undernourished thing, with a crooked foot that hadn't healed properly and you always seemed to be smiling.  When I held you for the first time, your bones were so squishy, I thought I would crush you.  I fed you and gave you a blanket to sleep on, but never expected you to stick around.

I continued to feed you and fluff your blanket, but you always remained just a stray until a few months later when one of my indoor cats passed away.  

We buried her in the backyard, which you had now staked out as your own.  You would run and play and leap over her grave marking.  

Soon, it seemed, you had taken on her personality.  Somehow, with your soft kitty kisses and comforting meows, you had made her passing more bearable.  I continued to feed you and fluff your blanket and you grew healthy, but now we called you Cierra and I cared for you.

Five years later, my precious Poka passed away.  I was devastated.  She had been only 5 weeks old when I adopted her and had lived a full 18 years.  She had been my life; had been there as I struggled to find myself.  I cried and cried and didn't think my heart would heal, but soon, it seemed, you had taken on her personality.  

Somehow, with your soft kitty kisses, snuggles, and adorable cuteness, you made her passing more bearable.  I continued to feed you, but now you slept in bed with me and I loved you with all my heart.

Nearly eleven years after coming into my life, after becoming my everything, you are now gone.  Gone away to play with Afoohey and Poka on the Rainbow Bridge. My heart hurts like it has never hurt before.  My tears are endless, but I am thankful you are no longer in pain.  Thankful you are whole again and can be without worry.  Thankful you chose our yard to remain, thankful you let me love you and thankful you loved me just as much in return.

Some people say cats are solitary, independent animals, but you were never like that.  From the moment you came into our lives, you craved our attention and thrived as part of our family. 

I will always cherish the mornings in the 'mommy chair' where you spent time getting 'mommy kisses' and scratches before I went to work and how cranky you became when Daddy's lap wasn't available for you to curl up in and as soon as he did sit down, you were in it and quickly falling asleep.  

I will cherish the times you'd race down the hallway skidding along the hardwood floor and then turn around and do it all over again, and how you'd sleep against me and I would wrap my arm protectively around you (and then in the morning, my arm would be numb because neither of us had moved), and when I'd come home from work and say, "mommy's home!" you'd come running to greet me with your bum foot flailing out sideways, which always made me laugh.  

I will always cherish how I would find you sound asleep (so cute!) in the sun spot on the living room floor and put off vacuuming because I didn't want to wake you and how you liked to help fold laundry so all our clothes were always covered in cat hair and how when I'd come home in a bad mood, just the sight of you would make my 'heart happy' and I'd be good again.

I thought about you today and I cried, and then I smiled, and then I cried again.  Yesterday was the same and tomorrow will be no different.  My heart is empty and as I look at your pictures and remember your kitty smile, I wonder now, who will make your passing more bearable?

- Mommy loves you

RIP Cierra (April 2004 - January 2015)




"Don't cry because it's over, Smile because it happened." - Ted Geisel (Dr. Seuss)



1 comment:

  1. I feel so sad for you Rae. I know how much you are hurting right now. I lost my Molly dog when we lived in Arizona and I had had her for 8 years. We rescued her from a humane society when she was lost and alone. I never thought then that I could get another dog because I didn't want to feel like I had replaced her. But finally I found another Molly lost and alone and knew she needed someone, so I adopted her. I love her to death. I hope someday soon you will find it in your heart to give another kitty who is lost and alone a chance to curl up in heart and be safe. Every home needs a furry friend, and every dog and kitty needs someone to love them. Love, Aunt Sharon

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